12:07-12:17

blank. shooting blanks. gun shots. given up on coherence. That's not really true. I am bothered by the expectation that should have a single thread because that requires editing, and that is not what this exercise is about. that is a more accurate understanding of the problem than i have yet been able to achieve. see, like later once i get this out, editing would probably help that sentence. there is enough down so that i will know what i am trying to say when i reread it, but trying to fiddle with the words so they match the thoughts is too much of a flow disrupter right now. maybe you can apply this to your life. maybe not. i do worry, at some times more than others, about my self interest. am i too self interested? i like to think yes, that is my speciality, but i also like to think no, but i might be above average in my awareness of it. i do actually worry about it being some mark on my humanity, too. today i threw a bunch of wood around. my body feels crazy now. i mean, i guess there is also on the cuff editing, but it doesn't replace some kind of of redrafting and it also requires have a clear idea to highlight when you set out to write something. this is all about so many things, really. like a jar full of jelly beans. so many things in that jar. i am partial to lists, for filling time and space. three things that are red around me. the sewing around the button on my overalls. the pillow i am leaning against. and the red of my grandfathers suit in a photograph. three things on my widow sill: air plant 1, 2, and 3. dum. dum. whats between a clash and a smack? a noise. waiting is different , no waiting is different, no wait, waiting is different when you don't mind it (bad). when its not bad in your mind, waiting is different. something like that. hi.