9:53-10:03

I am upset this morning because I have been tense in my sleep. This is a sign that I am secretly stressed about something. That much I have figured out. Recent mornings when I wake I am greeted by the exhausted and stiff sensation in my face and head of having clinched my teeth throughout the night. Also there is the tight near cramped feeling of having slept with my shoulders up around my ears, curled tight onto myself. This is what happens when I get stressed. I know tea would be just fine but coffee better. But I don't feel stressed in my day life, so it is my night life that is stressed, that must curl, cramp, tighten, clutch, cinch, clinch, because, well I don't really know why. but i welcome the opportunity to get meet these fears? worries? etc in my daylight consciousness so that, well, actually i would just as much, if not more, prefer to work them out in my sleeping consciousness, what I really want though is the release. i try to blame my pillows, but they are helpless. yoga. yoga would help. yoga. yes. am afraid to go back to doing it in a class because it used to get me in touch with a painful bawling spot and i fear going there again not that i cant rationalize why it would be healthy but rather that if is scary, by nature to go there and so it scares me. not in a scream way but more in a way about making myself vulnerable to my pain. big trip friend. double my friend power! in washington state. ha. ha. hands of competence. i had a dream about an old friend last night. she looked the same but her hands had changed. her fingers were long and slender in this freakish, attractive way. well. at least i was dreaming right? at least there was some kind of processing or experience going with the intense personal pressure of stress and anxiety.