so, psst, so pissed, so past, so part, so start

Just waiting for it. Waiting for this job that I am ever-so hopeful and excited for... well, i just hope they like me. if they don't hire me, i might understand. if they don't interview me, i am going to be very sad. i will feel rejected. the manager gets back this Thursday. Or Friday. I cant remember which now. I would also like to go on record saying that that working a job I love includes having a good, if not great, income. you know?

umm, in other news, it has gotten FUCKING freezing here. Two mornings of frost in a row. I heard on the radio this morning that the NWA put out a frost advisory? warning? Whatever. You know why they would make news of that? Because frost this weekend is HARSH! Or, like my boss said, Damn! That's Harsh. Its cold in my home. My little trailer home. I don't have the space heater in here, but I think i might have to go get it. I can see my breath and (don't tell!) I used my oven for heating this morning. So toasty! This trailer would really rock a wood stove, but it would also probably melt into one big pile of compressed wood and plastic. Enough.
Plenty. There is more than enough to go around. There's plenty. Okay. alright. Noon time. bed time. wine time. You wanna hear a whine, cause I can give you one. Well, its really about what I would like to tell anyway and less about what you might like to hear, for reasons I don't think I have to explain, so here it goes.
There is a point on my back, it is in the dead center at the height of my arm pits, that is, well what is it? I think it is stressed. I know that this is related to my whole body but the whine is just about my upper body. Starting with this point in my back. Its like if my body was a cross, with my arms spread horizontal, this would be the central point of the cross. When I think of this pain and of my body as a cross, I think of my old neighbor Bubbie, who would often say "I mean, We've all got our cross to bear" Bubbie was a great neighbor who would leave tomatoes on my stoop. He was also a bar tender, a heavy drinker, and father to an adolescent son in Texas. And father to a daughter who lived in California, and who I would not be surprised to cross paths with any day now.
Back to the whine. So starting with the point of my crucifixion, and moving up and out to the top of my shoulders, the place people grab into when they give a shoulder rub. Lumps of twisted muscles hunched above my clavicle (a bone, which incidentally, is one of the last to compete maturation). This twisted muscle matter pulls my shoulders up and forward. To relive this, I clasp my hands behind my back, arms straight, chest out, shoulders down. This makes the muscles in between my shoulder blades cramp up which is somehow relieving for the moment but I don't feel anymore relaxed when I release the pose.
This brings us to my neck, which I can only really describe as stiff and misaligned. Okay, I can also describe it as supportive of my head, because it is holding it up. So maybe it is more accurate to say that while my neck is committed to holding my head up, its not flexible in that option and seems to stuck in between a rock and a hard place in its alignment. Can you picture an imagine, there there is something, okay, a cartoon with a small rock wedged in between larger ones holding everything in place and its obvious given the proportions and design of the rock pile that this one rock at the crux is going to break, or slip out, or crack or something. That is kind of what my neck feels like, though I don't know if the rock is holding me up or blocking me up.

So, basically, I think that my body has been like that for more or less time. Perhaps even its my status quo body so much that I don't even pay attention to it. But here recently, I think due mostly in part to absurdly tight and bent sleeping postures I have adopted, this habitual tension and pain has exploded, its moved full blown into my jaw, my mouth one big ball of clenched, upset teeth, tired by the constant contraction of the muscles but unable to retain a relax attitude. Which brings me to my sinuses and head, which is the real impetus for this whine. The crown glory of this misalignment is situated , behind my eyes, in the sinuses behind the apples of my cheeks, in between my eyebrows, and spreading out the my temples. That's a solid third of my face head space. And it aches. Not constantly, but everyday, consistently.

Holy shit, you know what? The headache is sensitive to light and smell. Holy Fuck. That means that I have a migraine. I think that means I have a migraine. So, the condition has a name. I mean, it makes sense, someone as high strung as me is well matched with a migraine. Well, a name which sounds great, I can now name this pain, but meaningless, what the name can do to help me feel better I dont know.