12:10-12:20

bum. there were so many thoughts in my head just a moment ago, i assure you. so many and so much drama and I began to think about the possibility of watching an amount of tv that would cause your world view to entirely switch, where lifes dramas were played out as they are on the screen, where blah blah, all the worlds a stage and what not and so on and leaver. ummhmm. two dos. there were two dots that connected my present to the memory. flashback through time. gratitude, relief. then the in breath. out breath. in breath, out breath. i mean, there is so much talk about awareness and the present moment, the dialogue that interests me is the one about when the present moment is shitty. it is still the point of power but a hellish moment is a twisted universe. i thought the delusions of grandeur would be over, but on second thought it makes sense, that we all nurture our own little grand delusion, quietly, maybe sparsely, but as some part of the trick of humanity, the part that makes things move, makes life hard. oh my god. see, this is what six feet under does. yes, hours of compelling entertainment but if it is going to support me talking about life like it is some condensable unit that i can describe to you, well. i know, i know, you don't get all the internal monologues. they are all talking to themselves. they never listen. function. whats yours/ indispensable? because, well, okay, fine its all relative. blood relative. just kidding. its not all anything. except, you know, nunsense.