so, what its 9:44

I know, I know, my apologies again to the gatekeepers of success for my unreliable posting. thanks for forgiving me. i really appreciate it. i have been busy. working on overtime on my brain or soul or something. or maybe just working overtime to keep from dying of boredom. whatevs! so, here are some thoughts I have been having on current events. i preface them with the understanding that current events of the world, the country, the state, the county, the town, these are not my forte. I'm not even literate in them. But whatevs, I've been hearing some speculations and yesterday I got real freaked out. So, the economy is in the shitter. Stocks are down, its big news. Its like the beginning of the end for US, maybe??? maybe? not? I don't think anyone really knows. But it is, as I understand it, big exiciting times.

What I don't understand is why or how its not affecting my life more???? I mean, should I be worried? Should I start living my life differently? Should I get more educated on the markets? hmmm. I mean, worse case scenario I think is that our economy drops terribly and do to some global power struggle we start getting bombed. I think that sounds bad. of course, also would be bad if our supply lines were cut in a short time period. Those, I think those are the worse ideas. What could be worse than bombs or panic stricken starving masses? Of course, its also possible to speculate that changes brought about by current situations could cause an end to all possibility of joy, happiness, or hope. which would absolutely positively blow ass chunks and would rely on honor or memory or masochism for anyone to continue living and is really really just too depressing and absurd to think about. So, basically what I decided that short of the two scenarios first mentioned, war on my homeland or a quick, 'unforeseen' end to fuel, overall, life cant get any better or worse.

I mean, it could get more painful, yes. It could much more painful, but then the relatives would switch around and everything would be incredibly bizarre (which I find intriguing) for a period and then we would just be used to different scales of things and certainly the increased pain would sweeten things we are currently numb to. Mostly, I am thinking about eating something sweet after what I could only imagine would seem like an eternity of surviving on watery boiled wild greens, something like a cherry or finding a piece of fine chocolate tucked away in some long forgotten cabinet. But, I am willing to bet that could be a metaphor for life in general post apocalypse. Barring an all out immediate, sudden shift in our reality, I think another poor situation to find ourselves in would be to go around for the next ten? twenty? lifetime? years thinking that every election or market collapse or environmental disaster signals a dreadful end to life as we know it. so, see, if you were as uninformed as I, then you could abstract all of life's problems into justification for remaining unformed. Ignorance breeds bliss? Or denial breeds stagnant rotten things in dark hidden water? eww. either option seems to extreme.

Okay, here is my plan. I am going to get a full time job that I love or a part time job that pays lavishly and spent my other time running around doing things I love but that don't offer any financial means. Listen, alls I ask universe, is that if there is some big ol' permanently life altering change a coming, and if that change is going to make cross country travel impossible, paralyzing dangerous, or any harder than the Oregon trail, please let me know because I will probably need to get my ass back to Mississippi where my fam is and where the land living is good and where there is lots of water. please universe? thank you.