4:03-4:13

Its been so long!!!! so long I know. I feel just awful about it. Usually when I say that I say it in a false voice, but it does actually represent true feelings. though just awful might be something of an exaggeration. but what? but that's just the way it is. I have been to busy. that's a lie. i have been distracted. i lost myself. that's not a lie. you know when you lose yourself in thinking that something is going to save you and make it all better and if you could just jump through the mirror to the other side that you would not only be on the other side but that you would have someone accomplished to land on the good side, the good, beautiful wholly enjoyable side. but then just as you think you are about to jump through you realize it isn't fun anymore, and not its not fun any more because I am a weak little pansy but its not fun anymore because, well, its just not. and then you know you are fucking up but you cant believe it because things were going so well and you really thought you were onto something so you deny that you are wrong because who wants that... anyway. something representing where i have been. i wonder if it makes sense to read it but my i stick to the strictly off the cuff rule and cannot read it now because that would break the rules. i made the rules. ruler. rules. shoes. going. keeping up. new prospectives. august first, what the fuck. 26 here i come like a speeding train. yup. squeak squeak. rock on back in that rockin chair. i am going to see lucinda williams on my birthday! whooooohooooooooooooooooo. o. oh. oh my. following a creek with a dog. canine. dogs need yards. city living. blues. finished my midwifery final. super proud. it means nothing to any institution or really to anyone but e davis but it means something to me. whoohoo. plant interruption. hair. hair on the screen. on the key board. on my head. hair on my head. okay. really, i am going too fast for this. so i will slow down and get it together and get it going and get it together. slowly. surely. something whistles. its not me. i cant whistle. but. childhood. woman child. charmed. don't be an asshole. you, don't be an asshole. no, no you don't be an asshole. this dialogue cracks up my inner laughter. she is kinda a bitch. beware. throat. open throat. be done with the end. i mean, if it was really official, i would use a stop watch.