1:46-1:56

happily, i have written already today much. switch those words around if you want. drift this. shake shake shakaaa. i am tired now. so i am in the job market. i am entering the job market. thankfully, i am gainfully employed until i leave this job, which i am mostly happy at but don't want to be at forever and must move on. and happily, i live in a place that is chock full of jobs i am interested in. everyday i find them. but what do i want to do? some of them, all of them have things that i like, duh that's why i am interested in them, but none of them are totally it. but maybe... it feels good to have reached a point where i care about being good at things and being respected for what i do and being compensated for my skills, abilities, and gifts. but its also a little nervous you know. apply for jobs is all about putting yourself to the test. okay, really i am tired and just want to ass out on this posting but i think better of it cause i've already started. i just need a change of subject. jobs are so tired. tire swings over rivers. swimming? whats that. its never hot enough here to demand that bodies must be immersed in water. i keep erasing things. half thoughts. droopy eyes. full moons. swoons. familiarity. haunting. i have a cane for a very old spirit. i love you. and thank you. im sorry. please forgive me. i love you. thank you. im sorry. please forgive me. i love you. i am riding high on tonglen pretending i don't know that it isn't going to shift my life into bliss. but then i just do tonglen for that. like, may me and all the other people like me being staking our futures on misguided angels have soft landings from our false highs. that's it really. i've started to regain my compassion. deep seated. big love. good nights. peace.